"DeLuise DeLights and Disasters" by RJ DeLuise

04/06/10

After re-negotiating my online column contract with Chaotic Wrestling management, yours truly, RJ DeLuise signed an epic agreement that pays me properly for my grammatical genius. It just so happens that pro-wrestling's premier prognosticator has a few thoughts regarding the upcoming Chaotic Weekend, April 9th and 10th, in Woburn and Lawrence, respectively. Chaotic's spring has sprung and RJ needs no spring training to prepare for the upcoming season. Here is the sweet 16th edition of DeLuise DeLights and Disasters.

Re-joining the Chaos will be none other than former WWE superstar, U-Gene. What he lacks in intelligence he more than makes up for in stupidity. The "simpleton sensation" will plan to deliver his U-nique brand of pro-wrestling to Chaotic Wrestling and he is looking to challenge our best athletic talent. The eclectic offense that U-gene employs comes for 1000's of hours of watching pro-wrestling matches and copying the styles of his idols. U-gene's naturally caring and lovable demeanor will be put to the test by the stacked Chaotic Wrestling roster all weekend long. U will not want to miss U-gene.

The Chaotic universe is chatting, facebooking, e-mailing, phone calling, and DeLuise Discussing the upcoming CAGE MATCH between former Chaotic Heavyweight Champion Chase Del Monte and current (reigning and defending) Heavyweight Champion "the Kingpin" Brian Milonas. These two men have more history than Europe. Recently, there have been tables matches, campaigning, shore-stopping, jaw-dropping action that brought this feud to the steel cage. Chase vowed to re-gain his title from Milonas no matter what it takes. Well, what it is going to take, Mr. Del Monte, is surviving the Kingpin's wrath, the unforgiving steel, and the fact there there will be no Logan Brother backing, no help from the fans, and no place to toss his sweaty, filthy bandana once these two men are locked inside a steel cage. Bad medicine vs. Bad intentions LIVE on the 10th in Lawrence.

Speaking of the aforementioned Logan brothers, they will be forced to defend their Tag Team titles against Alexxxis's newly formed Blowout Boys version 5.2. Danny E., the bad boy from the boogie-down Bronx, searched his 'hood for the best the big apple has to offer and texted me that he found a man worthy of being called a Blowout Boy. Danny E. and his girlfriend/manager/stylist/Jersey shore enthusiast, Alexxxis (the triple X temptress) promised me that they will take full advantage of their nearly 10 month old re-match clause to prevent the Logan Brothers (Matt and Bryan) from eclipsing the 10 month, 17 day record set by Danny E. and his former partner, Tommy T., as the longest reigning Tag Team Champions. Currently, the Blowout Boys hold the distinction of holding the Tag belts longer than any other team, including the Logans, who held that distinction before the Blowouts set the standard of excellence for tag team wrestling. Brothers vs. Blowouts Friday, April 9th in Woburn.

Sean Gorman, manager of champions, signed a blockbuster match for his Empire in Woburn pitting the prohibition pugilist, "Straight Edge" Brian Fury against the newly crowned New England Champion, Julian Starr for Starr's New England Title. Starr, who's been putting in extra hours at the Chaotic Training Center to prepare for his first title defense will have his hands full with the substance-free superstar, Brian Fury. Fury, a former New England Champion, is the clear number one contender for the title, now that Danny E. has his sights set on tag gold. Also, it goes without typing that the Empire dominates their opponents with numbers. Will The Empire and Brian Fury cause Julian's Starr to fade or will Julian continue to be the rising Starr of Chaotic Wrestling? This match has all the makings of a DeLuise DeLight. The upstart vs. the upper echelon on the 9th in Woburn.

All of this action and more during a Chaotic Weekend you won't want to miss. Bring your mother, your uncle, your father, or maybe your sis.

Until next time, may all your DeLights be DeLuise.

RJ DeLuise