"DeLuise DeLights and Disasters" by RJ DeLuise

04/22/10

Following closely on the heels of what was one of the greatest weekends in Chaotic Wrestling history, RJ DeLuise is here to bring you the facts about our upcoming return to the PAV in Lowell on Friday night, April 30th. Bringing you all the DeLuise Drama from the squared circle, this action packed 17th episode of the "DeLuise DeLights and Disasters" is proudly presented for your perusal.

Leading off with legends, two Chaotic Wrestling Hall of Famers look to lock up in Lowell! The "Puerto Rican Poltergeist" Demon Ortiz and the "Extreme Stongman" Gino Martino will finally face each other after months of building tensions between the former pals. Ever since "The Demon" interrupted Martino's Hall of Fame acceptance speech at COLD FURY 9, Martino has been focused on bringing the hurt to the horror show that is the Demon. Gino Martino, after having a bowling ball dropped onto a cement block on his dome and breaking metal bars over his skull in Lawrence, he told me that I better make sure to include in this "little column" that his extreme exhibition was only a taste of the terror he plans for the Demon. Taking the Demon to terror-town might be Martino's mapquest, but terror-town is where the Demon goes for spring break. Gino Martino swears that the Demon's psychological games will have no effect on him because "it's mind over matter, in that when you are out of your mind, it just doesn't matter". This matter will be resolved for serious when these two forefathers of fighting find themselves face to face in Lowell!

Sean Gorman is promising shocking news regarding re-structuring the current Empire. Gorman, who took a cheap shot at me in his last column with a lame fat joke, is probably expecting that yours truly will retort. Being the ever-professional sports broadcaster and journalist that I am, I have no intentions of sinking to Gorman's level and would never use my column to further my own selfish gains. That being said, Mr. Gorman, you are so skinny that third world countries send you food. Moreover, your ego is bigger than my appetite. Thirdly, your face looks like someone lit it on fire and then stomped that fire out with metal cleats. As for the announcement from the Manager of Champions, let's hope those who consider teaming with the Empire are more impressed with the athletic acumen of the "Straight Edge Sensation" Brian Fury and avoid Gorman's wrasslin' rhetoric. Is Gorman a pompous jerk? Sure, but being with the jerk is always better than being against him (ask Mikaze). DeLuise DeLights are in store when we meet the newest member(s)??? of The Empire in Lowell!

I received a postcard from Mantown that was written in steak sauce. That could only mean one thing. The Manliest Man in Chaotic Wrestling, Biff Busick has something to share with all of you:

"RJ, this is double rough, triple tough, quadruple buff, Biff Busick. As I am the Manliest Man in Chaotic Wrestling, I am looking to share some of my manly secrets with all the sissy-nancies. Manly is a way of life, not just a word I say a lot. It means that I, Biff, am stronger, better looking, stronger, and have bigger muscles than all the other sissies in the Chaotic locker room. I am so manly, Chuck Norris trains in my dojo. Don't forget my motto: Curls before Girls. It's difficult for the nancy-boys to truly understand the vastness of my fastness and the size of my bi's and tri's. Hey, looks like I am a manly poet and if you step in the ring with me, sissy-nancies, you're gonna blow it. MANLY"

Join us in Lowell on April 30th as the Chaos comes home. My patience for this night is growing shorter than a gnome!

Until next time, may all your DeLights be DeLuise!

RJ DeLuise