"DeLuise DeLights and Disasters" by RJ DeLuise

09/16/09

There you are, sitting at your local inner-city library in front of a computer clicking on "featured articles" on chaoticwrestling.com... refresh, refresh... hoping... needing. Don't worry, be happy. Rudiger J. DeLuise, the "Rotund Rabble-Rouser" is here to bring you the 10th addition of the classically refined understanding of the Chaotic Wrestling world known as "DeLuise DeLights and Disasters, ft. Biff Busick interview, part II - Back to School Special Edition"

The Back-to-School Backstreet Boys from Lowell: Bryan Logan and Matthew Logan have set out to show all you Chaotic Wrestling fans that they are what they so boastfully proclaim to be: the "Greatest Tag Team of ALL TIME". How are they doing this you may wonder? Well, by asking for a beatdown at the able hands of two Chaotic veterans with nearly 50 years of wrestling experience between them, the team of: Dr. Reginald Heresy and Orlin Goodspeed, III, that's how! Under the careful tutelage of the Good Doctor's life skills planning course, Orlin III reports feeling more focused and also reports twitching in his legs and that the twitching usually turns out to be Dr. Heresy's stethoscope. I hope that the brothers Logan realize what a foolish DeLuise Decision it was to take on the Good Doctor / Goodspeed combo.

If you have been following my columns and purchasing Chaotic Wrestling DVD's from this website, then you know of my general dislike for the current reigning and defending Chaotic Wrestling Heavyweight Champion: Chase Del Monte. This writer clearly does not endorse his lifestyle, viewpoints, any part of how he continues to exist on Earth. This being said, he continues to out-class, out-hustle, and out-match all of his opponents since he began his title reign, and he is one of the longest reigning Heavyweight Champions in history and all of you go crazy for his sweaty man-dana. These are facts from Palladino's nerd-notebook. That's the bad news... The GOOD news (the "DeLuise DeLight", if you will) is that the Sultan of Sobriety, The Empire's franchise quarterback: "Straight Edge" Brian Fury along with Team Manager of Champions: Sean Gorman get their second shot at the title on Friday, September 18th in Lowell. Chase defeated the Clean and Sober Superstar after an epic battle at SUMMER CHAOS... were it not for the American Sasuke, Mikaze, the Empire would have destroyed Chase for permanent, for realsies. What role will the Newly-returned New England Ninja play in this title picture? This re-match is sure to be DeLuise DeLightful when it's Sobriety vs. Notoriety as Brian Fury takes on Chase Del Monte on the 18th.

I will not make you wait for my second, all-new, exclusive interview with Biff Busick. My DeLuise-Berry goes-a-ringy-dingy and I hear, "Hey, sissy-nancy scarf guy, you there?" I reply, "Always here for you Biff! Anything I can do for you?" He said, "Shut up, fat sissy and listen to me right now clearly for all the nancies in Lowell and for that mini-man Mark: September the whatever-th is going to be the date when I smash that little, tight panted freak into the mat and show him and everybody that I am the MANLIEST MAN...Biff Busick." Before I could further discuss the finer points of his argument and tell him the actual date of his match, he belched that he had to go watch the "Walker Texas Ranger" marathon on his 12 inch tv/vcr combo while finishing up his push-ups and smoking the rest of his carton of Marlboro Red's. The Mini-est Man: Mark Bourne vs. The Manliest Man: Biff Busick when Chaotic Wrestling returns LIVE in Lowell on September 18th!

DeLuise DeLights are in store when the Empire's "Vicious Viceroy", Scott Reed, issues a challenge to any and all of the talented superstars in the Chaotic Wrestling locker room to step up to the plate and come after his New England Title on the 18th. "Smokin' Hot" Scott Reed has been on a roll like sesame seeds of late, defeating and dominating all the men who have challenged him. With Sean Gorman, "The Manager of Champions" leading the way, there is no possibility for DeLuise Disaster. One of Chaotic's best is ready to put it all on the line when the New England title will be one pinfall away for one daring and dim-witted dude in the Chaotic Wrestling locker room. Surprising night? DeLuise DeLight.

The last match I will discuss with you is the developing situation among 6 superstars. Max Bauer finally seeing the err of his ways, has returned to the RJ side of the squared circle and has allegedly enlisted help from his former pal, Brian Milonas. Some political pundits speculate that there is a connection between the hundreds of thousands of dollars that were donated anonymously to the "Brian Milonas for Champion Foundation" and then the contemporaneous announcement from the campaign team that the two members of Milonas Security: Agents Magic and Starr, were going to join Max Bauer on the 18th as he takes on the tag team of "Nice n' Slow": Mike Nice and Psycho with Big Rick Fuller. Bauer-gate, as the honey-barbeque wing of the party is calling it, could be a major DeLuise Distraction for Bauer as he has to contend with the heavy-handed Fuller and the returning tag team favorites, Nice n' Slow. It will be Starr Magic n' Max vs. Big Nice n' Slow LIVE in Lowell.

Remember: You may think you are quick-witted, but I am faster. Take a look in the mirror, you're a DeLuise Disaster.

Until next time, may all your DeLights be DeLuise,
RJ DeLuise