"DeLuise DeLights and Disasters" by RJ DeLuise

11/10/09

Have no fear Chaotic Wrestling fans, the finest editorial column in sports journalism today has returned. Rudiger J. DeLuise (RJ if you please!) is here to bring to you the 12th chapter entitled: "DeLuise DeLights and Disasters NIGHT OF CHAOS Edition - featuring the Exclusive Biff Busick Thanksgiving Interview". Pass the pumpkin pie, whipped cream and a fork and let's dig right in!

Let me begin by giving thanks for the biggest gift this holiday season, this "Governmental Gift" is none other than Brian Milonas. The Milonas Campaign surged in popularity over recent months earning not only the respect of the Chaotic Wrestling fans but their, "Change NOT Chase" attitude became part of the dietary fiber that makes America great! Having handily handicapped the hip Heavyweight hero, Chase Del Monte, Mr. Milonas decided to choose a stipulation for NIGHT OF CHAOS in which he virtually could not lose... a TABLES match! How on Earth, with gravity, could Chase Del Monte, (the 2nd longest reigning Chaotic Wrestling Heavyweight Champion in history), lift up Brian Milonas and put him through a table??? I ask not because I think there is an answer, but rather to solidify my standing with the Milonas Campaign and to announce my availability to serve in a Cabinet position or any position that Mr. Milonas would want me to serve him in during this impending regime change. At NIGHT OF CHAOS, Brian Milonas will end the rhetoric and the Del Monte party will be broken up for good when these Chaotic legends face off in a tables match for the Chaotic Wrestling Heavyweight Title.

Another shift of power may be in the works, as Agents Starr and Magic get the opportunity of a lifetime when they face the self-proclaimed, "High-Flyin', Hard-Hittin', Tag Team Specialists", Bryan and Matthew, the Logan Brothers for the Logans' Tag Team Titles. The fans have been so excited about the return of the Logans to the Tag Team circuit that I am calling this phenomenon the "Logan Jones". The fans just can't get enough of the charismatic Chaotic Champions. I acknowledge that Magic and Starr will be at a major disadvantage fighting the Logans in their hometown of Lowell at NIGHT OF CHAOS. My prediction, however, is that by the slipperiest of greasy drumsticks, the Agents will upset the defending Tag Team Champions and the Milonas Campaign will be inaugurated as the rightful Champions all night long and all night strong.

6 Chaotic Superstars will be engaged in one of the most innovative matches Chaotic Wrestling has ever attempted, the "Six Man New England Championship Scramble". I asked participant Danny E., of Blowout Boy fame, if he understood the Scramble match concept and he said he likes his eggs scrambled. So, I explained to him that the match will involve him, Psycho, Scott Reed, Alex Arion, Elia Rinkydinkylos, and Demon Ortiz. He asked me what a "Stinkytwinkletoes" was. I explained that Elia Makesmepukeaton, is the current New England Champion, but on November 13th at NIGHT OF CHAOS, the first man to get a pin is the New England Champion.... UNTIL... someone else pins any one else in the match and then that man become the interim New England Champion and so on until the 20 minute time limit expires. The last man to record a victory via pinfall or submission will be awarded the New England Title. Danny E. told me that he liked his chances in a match like "dis" and he thanked me and hugged me and kinda kept hugging me and then sniffed me a little... it got weird. 6 Dudes Dancing for DeLuise Delightful Dreams, one Man will leave the Chaotic Wrestling New England Champion. Advantage = Arion, DeLuise Disadvantage = Elia Seeyalaterlos.

The long awaited announcement from a Chaotic Wrestling icon is upon us. Known as "The Handsome One", "His Handsomeness", "Purple H", "One Half of Pretty Psycho", and/or simply, "Johnny", Handsome Johnny's impact on the Chaotic Wrestling community cannot be adequately expressed by this writer. Rather, I would refer you to years of documented evidence of the spin-kicking, good-looking, Stranglehold-ing Superstar who has mixed it up with the greats in this industry. That evidence speaks for itself. At NIGHT OF CHAOS, "Handsome Johnny" returns to tells us about his future and to end all of the rumors that have been circulating. This has the potential to be a DeLuise DeLight when the Handsome One returns to Chaotic Wrestling at NIGHT OF CHAOS.

Submitted via Fisher Price audio tape recorder from his basement, aka "man cave", Biff Busick's NIGHT OF CHAOS and Manliest Man Match plus Thanksgiving Tips recording:

"Hey RJ, I am taping this to make it easier for you to not mess up my words. Big Rick Fuller, you are not a MANLY man, you are simply a tall man who is involved in some movie, "The Fighter" and you hang out with Marky Mark and you think that makes you MANLY. I will prove to Chaotic Wrestling that I am the MANLIEST MAN when Big Rick Fuller loses this Manliest Man Match. Joe B. from Chelmsford writes, "Dear Biff, how do I have a MANLY Thanksgiving?" To answer that question is simple, Joe, all you need are the "Three B's": Booze, Broads, and Biceps. RJ, you are not MANLY, have another ham sandwich."

At NIGHT OF CHAOS, the Motormouth from Mantown takes on the Big Rick Machine, Big Rick Fuller one on one in a Manliest Man Match that you will not want to miss!

All the aforementioned action and so much more. Making you cheer until your ribs are sore.

Until next time, may all your DeLights be DeLuise,
RJ DeLuise