"DeLuise DeLights and Disasters" by RJ DeLuise

09/08/11

School is back in session and this class is called, "DeLuise DeLights and Disasters 101" and I am your prodigious pro-wrestling prognosticating Professor, RJ DeLuise, who is proud to present you with this syllabus for Chaotic Wrestling's return to the PAV in Lowell, MA this Friday, September 9th, 2011. The following information will be on the final exam.

It would be hard to talk about the History of Lowell without mentioning a Logan or three. Matt Logan was taken out by the Jersey Shorestar, Chase Del Monte months ago and Matthew has been unable to return to Chaotic Wrestling action. Although this angered Bryan Logan, it was Del Monte who piledrove the high flyin' Bry Guy into a guardrail. At BREAKING POINT, Del Monte followed up with a DeLuise Decisive victory over Bryan. "The ShoreStopper" (Del Monte) was able to single handedly do what no tag team could do for almost 8 years and that is destroy the Logan Legacy. Chase now is worried only about his primping and grooming, but Bryan is still irate and fuming. Del Monte vs. Bryan Logan will be a match to remember. My Prediction: Del Monte will be DeLuise Dancing in September (9th).

In terms of Physical Education, the vacant Heavyweight Championship brings unprecedented opportunity for two Chaotic veterans. "The Enforcer" Max Bauer's feud with "The American Sasuke" Mikaze will finally reach a climax with the ultimate honor at stake. The New England Ninja (Mikaze) and the New England Champion (Bauer) have been battling back and forth for months and both have scored important victories. What will happen now that they both are in line to become Triple Crown winners by securing the now vacant Heavyweight Title? While Rich Palladino would say that Mikaze is so quick that he is "sudden", it is my belief that the Enforcer will reign supreme in Lowell.

Mathematics is about rules that are consistent and never change. When the Empire's Evil Ambassador, Brian Fury enters into the equation, there is no calculating the outcome. Brian Fury and "The Kingpin" Brian Milonas will not be contained to the ring this Friday. Fury and Milonas will compete in a "Falls Count Anywhere in Lowell" Match. That does not just mean a potential pinfall at the PAV bar, it means that: the Jillies' roast beef slicer, the CVS incontinence aisle, and the Tsongas Arena are all areas where these competitors can find themselves. Sean Gorman will clearly be intricately involved in the DeLuise Decision of this match that will have to be seen to be believed. Milonas + Fury X Gorman / Lowell = DeLuise DeLightfulness.

Sharpen your pencil and your brain. This night of action will be insane.

Until next time, pupils, may all your DeLights be DeLuise,

RJ DeLuise