2025 Chaotic Countdown Wrap Up

Chaotic Countdown Wrapup! Enjoy! If you missed Chaotic Countdown on July 11, we can only assume it’s because you were relaxing at a vacation home with internet service inadequate to stream it on YouTube, in which case, a) we’d appreciate an invite next time, provided there’s no Chaotic Wrestling event that weekend and b) we’ve got a wrapup here so you won’t be lost when you show up at the Showdown in the 603 on July 26th in Nashua NH!

We opened the evening with a match between Armani Kayos and Ricky Smokes. While Kayos was uncharacteristically sartorially subdued (no spangled hat! No fur boots! Who even is he?), he was very much on his wrestling game as he managed to spank Ricky Smokes both literally and figuratively!

Next up was a tag team match between Powers of Influence (DJ Powers and Jose Zamora) and Catch and Release (Sean Vegan Keegan and Seabass Finn). The match began with Powers tearing up a fan-made sign that said, “Worst Spraytan Ever.” We told you he was sensitive about the spray tan! But did you listen? In any case, it was a hard fought match that Catch and Release appeared to have in the bag until Powers pinned Keegan with a frog splash from the top rope!

Sidney Bakabella then arrived to hold a press conference, the upshot of which is that he will be managing John “Hurricane” Walters from Florida when Walters makes his return to Chaotic Wrestling in the Showdown in the 603 on July 26th in Nashua New Hampshire. He also yelled at reporters for asking questions and talked at length about his many grievances, and where else can you see a press conference like that?

Birthday Boy Kalvin Dumont, accompanied as always by Cole Rutherford, defended his Pan Optic Championship against Aaron Rourke, The Dime Piece. (Well, he defended it after demanding and not receiving a birthday serenade from the crowd) Rourke returned to Chaotic with a bulkier frame and more resplendent beard than we’ve seen from him before, and though Chaotic Nation was thrilled to have him back, his championship bid was foiled by Cole Rutherford interfering from ringside. Strangely, the stalwart Chaotic referees have yet to get wise to this technique!

The Tag Team championship and the New England championship were both on the line in a 3-person match between the recently reunited Unit (JT Dunn, Danny Miles, and Trigga the OG) and the always fractious God’s Greatest Creation (Arcturus, Milo Mirra, and Jariel Rivera). There was tension between GGC leader Arcturus and potential apostate Milo Mirra which seemed to center on Mirra’s use of the pogo stick, which is surely the silliest religious controversy since the fight over who had the true Holy Prepuce! The Intra-GGC conflict was a marked contrast to the harmonious vibes of The Unit, who worked together as…um, a Unit. In the end, Arcturus was pinned by Trigga and JT Dunn, which resulted in Trigga retaining the New England Championship and The Unit snagging the tag-team championship.

After the break, the Chaotic Countdown began, and folks,this match had it all! 30+ competitors! The Heavyweight Championship on the Line! Brad Cashew not complaining about being mistreated! Cole Rutherford actually wrestling and not just carrying Kalvin Dumont!

The first competitor to enter the ring was none other than The Troublemaker herself, Shannon Levangie, a sight for sore eyes returning after a 14-month injury-related absence! Second competitor Aaron Rourke led the crowd in a chant of “welcome back” and gave her a big hug. And then they kicked each other in the head! That’s wrestling, folks! Newcomers Omar La Casa, Patrick Wheatman and Cash McGuiness made their Chaotic debuts, and Cash betrayed his commuting buddy Patrick Wheatman, throwing him from the ring when his back was turned. Those rides to the New England Professional Wrestling Academy are going to be super awkward!

Also notable in this countdown: The Monarchy asserted that the two of them count as only one person; B3 appeared without Becca, begging the philosophical question of whether they were 2B or not 2B; Kalvin Dumont tried to win by not entering the ring; and Brian “The Mecca” Johnson took the mic before entering the ring and demonstrated what a big tough man he is by body shaming a child. Also, the team of Catch and Release was apparently fractured when Sean Vegan Keegan inexplicably started beating the stuffing out of Seabass Finn! There’s no explanation for Keegan’s sudden, violent change of heart; we suspect he was possessed by seitan. In the end, Mortar, Mecca, Brad Cashew and Ricky Smokes appeared to be the last men standing, but Mecca took a page from Kalvin Dumont’s book and hid under the ring, only to re-emerge once Mortar had dispatched Cashew and Smokes. And yet Mortar ultimately defeated Mecca to retain the Heavyweight Championship! He then got sucker punched by a returning Richard Holliday, who is now breathing rarified air through a frankly villanous mustache!

Overall, It was the wildest night in Lowell Massachusetts since the Mill Girls went on strike in 1834 and successfully defeated a wage cut, or possibly since the rager Jack Kerouac threw on graduation night in 1940! Don’t miss The Showdown in the 603! See you there!

-Brendan Halpin