Boston Brawl 4 Wrapup

            Greetings Chaotic Faithful!

            If you missed Boston Brawl 4 on Friday May 23rd at Excel Academy Charter High School in East Boston, what were you thinking?

            We still love you though. So you can catch the action on our YouTube channel. And don’t worry! We’ve got a quick wrapup so you’re not lost when OwlMania V hits Night Shift Brewing in Everett on Thursday, June 12.

            Now: let the Chaos Begin!

            Boston Brawl 4 opened with WWE Evolve star Jack Cartwheel (his great grandfather invented the cartwheel! True! Probably!) taking on Chaotic’s own WWE ID Prospect Ricky Smokes. Cartwheel’s cartwheels were impressive but not enough to get him a win against Smokes, who said he doesn’t like coming back to New England because he misses us; he just likes winning. Sure, Ricky, you old softy.

            Next the Tag Team Gauntlet, in which Manus and Sister Selena, representing God’s Greatest Creation, needed more divine intervention against Spike and Livyah, who made quick work of them before being defeated by B3. (Well, 2/3 of B3 anyway, as Becca was not in attendance.)  B3 was looking unstoppable as they dispatched Seabass Finn and Sean Vegan Keegan, aka Catch and Release, and then Paris Van Dale and Jay Tunis, but they ran into a brick wall called the Jam Jams, the team of Jamari and Jamal who then dethroned The Monarchy in the final match of the Tag Team Gauntlet. (Well, the Monarchy didn’t have a title to lose, but we’re not going to miss an opportunity for a royalty pun).

During The Monarchy’s match, a fan in the banana costume once again held up a sign claiming “BMT Peed Himself.” BMT had no comment.

Tony “The Big Cheese” Navarro failed to make Carbonara sauce out of Brad “Big Bacon” Hollister, despite the crowd’s supportive chants of “Turkey Bacon” and “Bacon Bits.” Navarro has certainly won the hearts of Chaotic Nation. But can he win a match?

And now: the championship matches. First was a triple threat match for the tag team champion, with JT Dunn and Trigga the OG taking out another GGC team, this time Milo Mira (yes, the pogo stick did make an appearance) and Jariel Rivera as well as the team of DJ Powers and Jose Zamora. DJ Powers seemed especially sensitive to crowd taunts about his spray tan, so please, Chaotic Nation, don’t mention that the next time you see him. JT’s erstwhile partner Danny Miles made a ringside appearance and did not look particularly happy about being excluded from the championship team.

The Lumberjack and Jill match for the Pan Optic Championship saw Champion Kalvin Dumont fending off challenger Armani Kaos. Oh yeah, also the ring was surrounded with people in plaid beating the absolute snot out of whichever wrestler got tossed from the ring. Dumont continues to be arrogant, entitled, and successful, which is very unlike a rich guy!

Some visitors to New England stopped by as Andreas John Ziegler took on Anthony Catena. Catena’s pants were bright and colorful, while Ziegler’s shorts were almost nonexistent, but that didn’t stop him from defeating Catena. Perhaps it was his resplendent long hair that did the trick!

Finally, and we do mean finally, Brad Cashew got his shot at the championship match versus Mortar. Does this mean we will finally get a break from Cashew’s whining about how he’s being mistreated? Probably not! The wrestling team from Excel Charter Academy was cheering loudly on Cashew’s behalf, and they must have learned some dirty tricks under his tutelage because one of them ran into the ring to whack Mortar across the back with a “Justice For Cashew” sign. Sadly for Cashew, his crusade for justice, and the young ne’er-do-well who fell under his sway, Mortar put them both through a door to end the match.