Locked & Loaded Wrap Up

They say you can’t go home again, but Chaotic Wrestling was back in Tewskbury, MA on Friday, August 1 for Locked & Loaded. Take that, Thomas Wolfe! The night began with Shannon Levangie vs. Brian “The Mecca” Johnson, aka Brian “Not the guy from AC/DC” Johnson in a match refereed by Brendan Paul, sporting an eyepatch and some very nasty burns as a result of Sidney Bakabella’s pyrotechnic attack last week. Mecca’s superior size and strength had him dominating for most of the match as he found many and various ways to abuse Shannon’s injured knee. But a quick reversal allowed Shannon to roll Mecca up for the pin! Mecca, of course, took his loss with grace and humility. Just kidding! He went nuts, started beating up on Shannon, and stole her “Relentless” headband. Dude, if you want merch, go to the table at intermission like everyone else!

Richard Holliday then came out to praise himself, demean Tewsksbury, and give a special wrestling demonstration to some of the Chaotic newcomers. Out came Omar La Casa and Cash McGuiness, and Holliday’s demonstration chiefly consisted of him driving his bicep into the genitalia of the young men in question, both of whom were left writhing in pain. Enter Patrick Wheatman, and Holliday, unhappy with the warm reception Wheatman got from the Chaotic faithful, challenged him to a match then and there. Holliday dominated early, but, like Shannon in the previous match, Wheatman was able to roll up his larger opponent for a quick pin. Holliday took his defeat with just as much grace as Mecca. Keep reading!

The New England championship was on the line in a 5-way scramble match featuring current champ Trigga the OG, Godrick and Milo from God’s Greatest Creation, Seabass Finn, and Armani Kayos, always the fashion champion of a Chaotic event, this time resplendent in red satin overalls with leopard print trim! Late entrant Cole Rutherford (we don’t know either—maybe Kalvin Dumont’s dad paid for him to be in the match) made it a 6-way match, and the chaos began! Seabass dominated both members of the GGC, nearly pinned Mirra, and then left the ring to deal with some hecklers—Sean Vegan Keegan and The Security Guy Who Has Not Been Named! Cracks in the foundation of the GGC widened into chasms as Mirra and Godrick tried to pin each other. While they were busy with each other, Trigga flew from the top rope and pinned Godrick for the win.

Trigga was still exulting in his victory when Miracle Generation, the team of Dustin Flash Waller (Wearing patterned leggings that looked for all the world like he was rockin’ a codpiece, 16th-century style) and Kylon King came out to taunt and then menace Trigga, who of course has better backup than most Chaotic wrestlers in the form of JT Dunn and Danny Miles, the remaining members of The Unit. The Unit then took on Miracle Generation for the tag team championship. Both teams put on very impressive displays, and it looked like The Unit was on their way out when Miracle Generation tried to kick Miles while he was down but wound up kicking each other when Miles ducked out of the way. From there, Dunn made quick work of Miracle Generation, retaining the tag team championship!

And speaking of tag teams, the team of Spike Nishimura and Livya came out to the ring, and Rich Palladino announced that Spike is making another trip to wrestle in Japan, but before Spike could give her farewell speech, she was interrupted by the Powers of Influence intro music, and DJ Powers and Jose Zamora came to the ring. The Chaotic faithful seem to have really gotten in Powers’ head about the spray tan thing because his tan was a blotchy orange and pale mess. It was a rough match, as hair was pulled, Livyah abused Powers with a series of suplexes, and Spike was the victim of the surprise roll up this time, giving Powers of Influence the win. It proved a pyrrhic victory, however, as Livyah threw Zamora into the corner post and threw Powers into the ring, where Spike greeted him with a devastating kick to the face!

Rich Palladino announced the main event of Mortar vs. Alex Hammerstone for the heavyweight championship, but Richard Holliday came out to announce that he needed the crowd to understand that his loss to Wheatman had been a fluke. In order to illustrate his point, he chanted the word fluke over and over and then brought the ridiculously jacked Hammerstone out carrying an apparently unconscious Wheatman over his shoulder like some sort of gym rat Santa. Mortar emerged and wound up administering a well-deserved beatdown to Holliday back in the cheap seats before slamming Holliday’s head into the bar and then getting thrown through a table by Hammerstone. And then the match started! It was a tough match that left both competitors out of gas by the end (and Mortar aching in an intimate area as Holliday sneakily administered his signature move), but Mortar was able to find the strength to pin Hammerstone and win the match. And then Holliday came into the ring to beat on Mortar some more.

Our next event is in Watertown on August 22! Whose groin will Holliday destroy this time? Can Mortar ever be defeated? Will Brendan Paul’s eye heal? Will his doctor at least bandage his suppurating wounds? Join us and find out!