Chaotic Wrestling: OWLMANIA 6 Wrap Up

Owlmania 6 Wrapup below! Enjoy!

What better way to bid farewell to summer than wrestling under the stars? Or, anyway, under the light pollution that obscures the stars? “Outside” is what we’re getting at, and where OwlMania 6 took place, behind Night Shift Brewing in scenic Everett!

Old frenemy Brad Cashew opened the night, taking on Livyah, whom he clearly did not take seriously. “She’s a girl!" he exclaimed. While Cashew’s skill at spotting his opponent’s gender presentation was flawless, his ring skills were not enough to give him the victory, as Livyah got the pin despite Cashew having the size and strength advantage. And then, of course, Cashew pouted for a while. Perhaps he’ll dust off the “Justice for Cashew” sign and picket again!

Next up, Shannon Levangie (sporting cool new black and hi-viz green wrestling togs) took on Gabby Forza, aka “Your Homie the Gnomie.” Forza came to the ring clutching a plaster gnome and sporting the de rigeur (for gnomes, anyway) conical hat, which she then removed to reveal another conical hat. Which she then removed to reveal a third conical hat! Once Forza and Levangie were attired in birthday hats and referee Brendan Paul was rocking the big yellow conical hat (It looked better on him than the hideous burns and eye patch we saw a few weeks back!), the match began.

The Chaotic faithful were in rare disagreement as competing factions in the crowd backed Forza or Levangie, but once Shannon Levangie won the match, she extended the hand of friendship to Gabby Forza, who shook said hand, and any potential beefs both in and outside of the ring were thereby squashed.

Next up was Ricky Smokes vs. Sean Vegan Keegan, accompanied to the ring by accomplice/toady SoyBoy. After helping Mortar out against Richard Holliday last week, Ricky really appears to be a changed man, high-fiving the ringside fans he once disdained and going the length of an entire match without cheating once! As for Keegan, he clearly needs to train up his henchperson, as SoyBoy spent most of the match pleading with the crowd to support Keegan, and when he finally did interfere in the match, he was caught by referee LJ Childress and cost Keegan the win! Rookie mistake! Following the 3 count that wasn’t, Ricky Smokes made quick work of Keegan, and the Everett night echoed with the chants of “Rick-Y! Rick-Y!” instead of “Chokeshow!”

Next, Kalvin Dumont was carried to the ring by Cole Rutherford to take on the prodigious task of wrestling the aptly named Bear Bronson. Bronson roughed up Dumont for a while, and after the second time Rutherford rescued Dumont, Bronson called for a mic and announced he would fight Dumont and Rutherford at the same time. The two-on-one advantage might have worked well for Dumont and Rutherford had Dumont not spent the bulk of the match cowering at ringside while Rutherford got abused by Bronson. Once Dumont screwed his courage to the sticking place and actually entered the ring, he and Rutherford were able to make some headway against Bronson and eventually collaborate to pin the big man and take the win.

Sidney Bakabella and Hurricane John Walters emerged, and Bakabella demeaned the crowd, wished a violent death on one spectator, praised Walters in an uncomfortably sexualized manner, and then threatened to murder every spectator. You know, the usual! Strangely, the crowd was not on Walters’ side after this and cheered on Armani Kaos, who took the win with a bunch of superkicks and some devastating blows to Walters’ midsection courtesy of Kaos’s butt.

The main event was a 4 on 4 tag team match featuring Miracle Generation and Powers of Influence vs The Unit and Mortar. Folks, there was action in the ring. There was action outside the ring. There was action in the crowd. Danny Miles put DJ Powers through a table. Dustin Flash Waller did a mid-air flip while diving out of the ring to flatten The Unit. And, perhaps most surprisingly, Jose Zamora intercepted JT Dunn while Dunn looked like he was about to put Zamora away with Death By Elbow. Zamora quickly pinned Dunn, backing up his trash talk for the first time possibly ever! His elation was short lived, however, as the Unit and Mortar teamed up to give Zamora a sound beating and then all did Mortar’s little dance together. Dare we say it was cute?

We did! We did dare! Let’s just hope the Unit and Mortar don’t take exception! Do they read these? Ahem.

As the crowd dispersed, the looming Labor Day weekend portended back-to-school time, and the chill in the evening air reminded us that fall was on its way. But you can call it Summer right up until the Autumnal Equinox, so strap in for Chaotic’s Summer Chaos in Lowell on September 12 and Chaotic’s 25th Anniversary bash at Lord Hobo Brewing in Woburn on September 13th! That’s right! Chaotic Wrestling is old enough to rent a car, and its prefrontal cortex is almost fully developed! Come celebrate!