Showdown in the 603 Wrap Up

Greetings, Chaotic fans! If you are in the unfortunate position of having missed The Showdown in the 603, fear not! You can stream it on YouTube, or read on! The show opened with the return of Shannon Levangie to singles competition, as she took on Jose Zamora, who showed off the twerking skills he has apparently honed as a social media influencer. Sadly for Zamora’s posterior, but happily for the rest of us, he couldn’t twerk his way to a victory, and Shannon won by submission!

She was then threatened via video by Brian “The Mecca” Johnson. The Mecca appeared to be broadcasting from his subterranean rec room, and Shannon was, strangely, not intimidated by a guy who wouldn’t leave his basement. She announced that she’ll see him on August 1 in Tewskbury for Locked and Loaded. Get your tickets now!

Ricky Smokes emerged to announce that he is a big deal, that Nashua New Hampshire is the second-best Nashua in New England (our team of researchers can find no other. Perhaps Ricky thought he was in Salem NH? Or Brookline NH?), and that he got to choose his partner for a tag team match. If fans were expecting Brad Baylor to complete the “Swipe Right” tag team, they were probably surprised to find a different Brad—one Mr. Cashew—teaming up with Ricky to take on Patrick Wheatman and Armani Kayos. Kayos’ fur boots were back, which was a relief, and the wrestling acumen of the skinny legend coupled with the surprising strength of Wheatman (dude lifted both Cashew and Smokes above his head during this match. Not at the same time, but still!) looked like they might carry the day. You know how your parents told you “cheaters never prosper?” Yeah, they lied. Smokes and Cashew won the match in typically underhanded fashion.

This brought up the grudge match between Sean Vegan Keegan and Seabass Finn. At Chaotic Countdown, Keegan inexplicably turned on Finn after a solid run of tag team teamups as Catch and Release, and the reason remains a mystery. Were Keegan’s vegan sensibilities offended by Finn’s hunting camo singlet? Did he learn that most animal rights activists consider catch and release to be cruel to fish? Or is Finn the one who has changed? Both wrestlers seemed to evidence some changes during the match: Keegan bit Finn’s head, which is almost certainly not plant-based, and the normally good-natured Finn shoved a member of Chaotic security into the barricades, apparently unprovoked! Said security guard was clearly not happy, as he pushed Finn into the corner post and threw him back in the ring, where Keegan won the match with a devastating piledriver.

CJ Tino was supposed to take on Kalvin Dumont for the Pan-Optic championship, but he announced that a knee injury would keep him out of the match and Tony “The Big Cheese” Navarro would have to take his place. Dumont arrived, as always, borne by valet/human forklift Cole Rutherford, and the match with Big Cheese began! The match was already going Dumont’s way when he left the ring to shove Tino into the barricades. (The man has a knee injury! Have you no decency, Kalvin Dumont?) His absence gave Rutherford the opportunity to choke the supine Navarro, but he didn’t even need to cheat because the ref disqualified the Cheese when Tino hit Dumont back! How dare he cut The Cheese out of a championship match!

This brought up the tag team championship, where the Monarchy came out, inexplicably accompanied by Jamari of the Jam Jam boys, to take on champs JT Dunn and Danny Miles. We don’t know what Jamari was doing with the Monarchy after beating them in 3 consecutive matches, but BMT and Ariel showed uncharacteristic intelligence by getting their nemesis on their side! Jamari and BMT teamed up for the match, while Ariel had to content herself with shrieking from ringside. Jamari acquitted himself well in service to evil, but he and BMT proved no match for Dunn and Miles, who retained the championship in their signature “brutal, but in a good way” style.

Trigga the OG then defended the New England Championship against God’s Greatest Creation member Godrick. Fortunately for Godrick, Arcturus did not appear to be in the building, so Godrick did not have to be publicly admonished by his boss/cult leader for losing to Trigga after having nearly defeated him with a shooting star off the top rope. He did get admonished by Sister Selena, however, who emerged first to whack Godrick with a yardstick, and then to lose in a hard-fought match against crowd favorite Spike Nishimura. (Longtime fans will remember Spike’s Chaotic career began when she was working Chaotic security, so perhaps big things are in store for The Guy Who Threw Seabass Into the Post). Arcturus cannot be happy with the showing his acolytes put on, but we’re still awaiting word on whether Selena broke a yardstick across her own back.

Sidney Bakabella and John Walters then emerged to begin the main event—Walters vs. Mortar for the Heavyweight Championship! Bakabella berated the crowd for being broke and stupid after Walters did not receive what Bakabella felt was an appropriate ovation. Walters then grabbed the mic to praise Bakabella as an insurance policy before being mercifully cut off by Mortar’s entrance. Mortar and Walters had a tough match which was sullied by Bakabella’s interference, first at ringside, and later in the ring! While the crowd chanted “Snatch his wig!” Bakabella threw a literal ball of flame at Mortar, missed, and hit referee Brendan Paul in the eyes! This didn’t work out well for Bakabella and Walters, as there was no one to count Mortar out when Walters pinned him. Fortunately for Mortar, referee LJ Childress did join the match in time to count out Walters when Mortar pinned him. Mortar retained the championship, and Bakabella turned out to be an ironclad insurance policy against winning.

Will Shannon Levangie’s relentlessness be enough to defeat the Mecca, assuming he leaves his basement? Will Seabass Finn get revenge on Sean Vegan Keegan? Will Cole Rutherford get sick of carrying Kalvin Dumont? Will Brendan Paul recover after Bakabella’s Human Torch act? Join us in Tewksbury for the answers to these questions and a bunch more you probably don’t even know you have yet!