OVERDRIVE Wrap Up

The first breezes of a massive Nor’easter whispered in the trees, “Chaotic Wrestling...Overdrive…” and who are we to disobey the prophetic whispers of a big storm? So Chaotic Nation once again descended on the Sons and Daughters of Italy in Watertown, MA for a night of good ol’ fashioned violence!

The evening kicked off with new tag team champs The Breadwinners defending their title against the team of JD Powers and Livyah, both of whom are formidable in their own rights, but in this case, the whole is less than the sum of its parts because these two cannot seem to keep their mouths off each other for more than a minute and a half. Go off, you crazy kids, but maybe try making out either before or after the match, because during clearly isn’t working out for you! The Breadwinners retained their titles, is what I’m saying. They also sported their second new outfits in as many events, so clearly at least some of the bread they’re winning is going to the person who makes their clothing! Support independent artists, and watch the ripple effect!

Next up, Jose Zamora, sporting a suede vest with long fringe and little mirrors that looked like it was stolen from the back of Cher’s closet, or perhaps was just a tribute to the late Bob Mackie. Anyway, he asked for silence he did not receive, tried to introduce his video, and yelled at the crowd in Spanish. Then BMT arrived, sporting an Omar La Casa t-shirt, having  apparently been relieved of his refereeing duties by The Matriarch, Queen Ariel. BMT advised Zamora to shift his focus from his social media to being the best at what he does. Zamora was stunned by this apparently warm-hearted advice from a wrestling veteran (as were we, to be quite honest) but then BMT pulled out some Spanish phrases he learned on the internet and called Zamora a “pendejo,” and all felt right in the world again. He then showed an AI-generated image of Zamora’s head on the body of a very fat man. BMT body shamed Zamora’s fake body, and Zamora was unaccountably enraged, and then the match began!

BMT showed off a number of innovative moves, but in the end, the Latino Reel-y-annoying stole the win with a sneaky pin assisted by an illegal tug on BMT’s singlet that was somehow missed by the usually eagle-eyed Brendan Paul!

Side note—certain fans kept referring to Mr. Paul as ‘Brandon’ during this event, and while we liked Beverly Hills 90210 as much as the next guy (Donna Martin Graduates! Amirite?), we want it entered into the record that this particular referee’s first name is actually Brendan. Please make a note of it. If you can’t manage to call Mr. Paul by his actual name, please use ‘ref’ or ‘stripes.’

Next up, Tofu Block in a rare solo match vs. Milo Mirra! The crowd was fully and predictably on Mirra’s side, which at one point led Tofu Block to call us all “disgusting meat eaters.” (Only half right in our case, as we haven’t eaten meat since 1990!) Both competitors were in fine form, but Tofu Block seemed to be getting the better of Mirra, pinning him for two counts on several occasions only to have Mirra kick out. In the end, though, Mirra managed to bring the top-rope bound Tofu Block crashing down to earth, getting the pin and the win. He then showed off his pogo stick skills around the ring before departing!

Next to emerge was Ariel, clad in a black pantsuit, pink pumps, and a pink t-shirt that said Mama over a silhouette of a bear. So, dressed to kill, but not to wrestle! She announced that Chaotic Wrestling has entered the era of The Matriarchy and that she’s working for female empowerment. We thought perhaps she was introducing a new woman wrestler to the roster, but instead she was interrupted by Kalvin Dumont, who proclaimed himself a feminist (color us skeptical) and stated that as a former Panoptic Champion who had faced a lot of talented wrestlers (we noted he did not say he’d defeated a lot of talented wrestlers), and that he was therefore entitled to a shot at the Heavyweight Championship, and that since Ariel was “The Chicktator,” she could make it happen.  Ariel gently but firmly informed him that he was in no position to make demands, but that he could have his title shot if he won a match. Enter PJ Maguire, inexplicably clad in a backwards Allen Iverson jersey (he was announced as being from Lawrence, MA, which as far as we know is not Sixers territory). Maguire brought some frankly scary intensity to the match but was quickly dispatched by Dumont, who had now earned his title shot!

Psych! Ariel announced he’d actually have to win another match, and out came Omar La Casa! La Casa gave Dumont a tough fight, but in the end, Dumont rolled up La Casa and illegally grabbed his trunks but since Brendan Paul didn’t see it, it didn’t happen, and Dumont won again! Remember folks, they don’t ask how, they only ask how many! Unfortunately for Dumont, the answer was “one more,” as Ariel brought out Dumont’s third opponent of the night, Paris Van Dale!

Dumont appeared to still have plenty of gas in the metaphorical tank and quickly got Paris down, but she hooked a leg on the ropes and Dumont then expended a LOT of energy on a thrashing temper tantrum that would have made even the most spoiled toddler go, “Mmmm, might wanna take it down a notch there, chief.” From there it was only a matter of time—and a split stunner followed by a piledriver from Paris—until Dumont was defeated and left with no title shot.

Next up, Chase Del Monte emerged, announced he was The Chase That Runs This Damn Place (how does this square with Ariel being The Matriarch? Are Chase and Ariel co-parenting this promotion?) and that, furthermore, his defeat at the hands of Shannon Levangie would be wiped from the record books as though it never even happened. (It’s still on Youtube, though!) Chase taunted Shannon’s mom, who was in the front row, flirted with another woman (clearly married to someone else and clearly not receptive to Chase’s overtures), and engaged in some extremely disrespectful pin attempts when he was getting the better of Shannon (I’m relatively certain the New England Pro Wrestling Academy does not teach “index finger to the sternum” as a pinning technique!) Shannon mounted a comeback, ultimately flying through the air and flattening…hapless referee Brendan Paul, who really does seem to come in for a lot of abuse.

With Paul out of the picture, Chase grabbed the championship belt to use as a weapon, but Shannon managed to get him down…and as she pondered whether she would use the belt to beat Chase and the crowd yelled out “give in to your anger” like Emperor Palpatine (fine, fine, that was just me), Paris Van Dale emerged and urged her bestie and fellow Brat to take the high road and not win like that! Then Chase tried to grab the belt from Paris, asserting, “we talked about this. You were gonna help me,” but Paris held onto the belt and, long story short, she and Shannon whacked Chase in the face with the belt together! Friendship: it’s a beautiful thing!  Chase went for the Cradle to the Grave, but Shannon managed to climb up his body and turn the whole thing into an arm bar which got Chase to tap out!

Some delicious peanut M&Ms at intermission fueled us for part two of the show, which began with New England Champion Mr. Bacon taking on Jamari. Though Jamari was announced at 100 pounds lighter than Mr. Bacon, he was no pushover, and the match was surprisingly even until Mr. Bacon hit Jamari with the Textbook Suplex. Mr. Bacon left the ring with his belt and his textbook (there’s no way this man is a real teacher, as he showed no evidence of having a coffee cup), and Jamari stayed in the ring to recover….when Serenity, which is either one guy or two guys, anyway the guy with the beard and the guy with the mask came out and added injury to injury, beating Jamari silly, which seemed uncalled for, but what do we know about the moral code of terrifying jacked masked dudes?

And then it was time for our main event: Danny “The Dream Crusher” Miles vs. Heavyweight Champ Tyree Taylor in a no countout, no disqualification match. Miles started the match with his signature barbed wire-wrapped crutch in hand, and things only escalated from there. Chairs were involved. Doors were involved. Lengths of chain were of course involved. And it wouldn’t be a new era of violence without thumbtacks in the ring!  It was a long and extremely brutal match, and though Tyree Taylor ultimately retained the title, can one really be said to have “won” a match in which one has been slammed through a door and whacked with a barbed wire-wrapped crutch?

We will be wrestling with that and other important philosophical questions until next time: Friday October 9 in Malden! Be there or be square! Or, you know, watch on Youtube or Twitch. Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, and perhaps we’re overthinking. Partake in some more excellent Chaotic content is what we’re saying!