Owlmania 5 Wrap Up

Writen by: Brendan Halpin

Greetings, Chaotic Nation! 

Sure, there's a casino in Everett, but we have it on good authority* (*okay, okay, we made this up) that the place was all but empty on Thursday as all the excitement in Everett was at Night Shift Brewing for Owl Mania 5! If you missed it, catch the action on YouTube!

We've also got a wrapup for you here! Let the chaos begin!

In the opening match, Chaotic mainstay Anthony Greene took on beach themed luchadora La Surfadora, who arrived with a boogie board and a beach ball that Greene popped like a vice principal at a high school basketball game. La Surfadora pulled out the win with the help of a squirt gun, a pair of water wings, and some sweet dance moves!

With the Pan-Optic championship on the line, Cole Rutherford carried Kalvin Dumont to the ring to take on Sean The Vegan Keegan. Rutherford's presence at ringside ensured that at least one person was cheering for Dumont, and his interference in the match ensured a victory for Dumont. It must be nice to have a staff!

The Monarchy emerged, and BMT insulted both the Chaotic crowd and the City of Everett and announced that he and Ariel had disabled Jamaal of the Jam Jam Boiz and that they would therefore be leaving. But Jamari had different ideas, as he brought out substitute partner Armani Kaos. Jamari and Armani refused to bend the knee and took the victory, and BMT threw a little tantrum, which is behavior you definitely wouldn't expect from someone who fancies himself a king!

Milo Mirra, seconded by Sister Selena, came out, pogo stick in hand, to face scrappy fan favorite Spike Nishimura. Spike brought a world of hurt to Selena when she attempted to interfere but ultimately proved no match for the power of the pogo stick, and Mirra launched himself from the floor into the ring to get the pin and the win.

While Mirra was kneeling in thanks to whoever or whatever the GGC worship, Arcturus came out, accompanied by Jariel Rivera, and knocked Mirra out of the ring with a knee to the chest. He was big mad that Mirra was still using the pogo stick after he'd told him not to. He then announced that since Paris Van Dale broke his nose a few weeks ago, he couldn't defend his New England Championship, but Rivera was going to defend it for him. Which is something you get to do when you're a creepy cult leader! Apparently!

Trigga the OG fought valiantly against Rivera but made a crucial strategic error late in the match by calling for a fan to throw him a delicious Night Shift Brewing beer. Not much was left in the plastic cup by the time it hit Trigga's hand, but even worse, the distraction allowed Rivera to win the match. Don't drink and wrestle, folks!

It was a good night for wrestler and would-be influencer Jose Zamora, as he got to post video of himself losing to Tony “The Big Cheese” Navarro! We assume the cannolis tasted especially sweet at the Navarro home after a hard-earned victory!

The twin main even kicked off with JT Dunn and Danny Miles defending their title against Ricky Smokes and Brad Baylor, aka Swipe Right. While JT kicked off the match by throwing a bunch of chairs into the ring, he and Danny Miles certainly did not throw in the towel, defeating Swipe Right in a match that had as much action outside the ring as in and featured the kind of sneaky underhanded tactics Chaotic Nation has come to expect from Ricky Smokes!

The heavyweight championship match between Mortar and Sea Bass Finn featured the kind of brutal action we expect from a Mortar match and some action we didn't expect, like the competitors biting each other like a couple of angry toddlers and also sharing a brief kiss! After winning the match, Mortar hurled a few choice epithets at Sea Bass before praising him as a future star, and Chaotic Nation dispersed into the night.

Join us at Charged Up at the Son's of Italy hall in Watertown on June 20. Tickets are going fast!