Summer Chaos 2025 Wrap-Up

The nights were getting cool and the kids were back in school, but the autumnal equinox hadn’t arrived yet, so Chaotic Wrestling was entirely correct to hold Summer Chaos on Friday, September 12.

Rich Palladino, dapper as ever in tuxedo with red bowtie and vest, opened the night, bringing out The Unit vs. Powers of Influence.The match was incredibly close the entire time, and there were enough shenanigans outside the ring that by the end, nobody, even referee LJ Childress, seemed to know or care who the legal man was, which worked out well for the Unit, as both JT Dunn and Danny Miles teamed up to pin DJ Powers, which we guess is legal when our guys do it!

Next up--a three-way match for the Panoptic Championship, featuring Kalvin Dumont (accompanied by Cole Rutherford), Brian Vegan Keegan (accompanied by Soyboy) and SeaBass FInn, accompanied by the smell of pine trees and jet ski exhaust, the official scent of his home state of New Hampshire. Kalvin tried his time-honored strategy of waiting for the other guys to beat each other up, but was evenutally dragged into the ring, where Seabass Finn, apparently fueled by all the Omega-3s in that Lake Winnepesaukee bass, put on a clinic, dispatching both accomplices, dumping Keegan from the ring, and getting Dumont in a Boston Crab. Before Dumont could tap out, Keegan broke it up, and when Keegan and Finn were locked up back to back, Dumont ran in and grabbed an opportunistic double pin!

Then former food-based fan favorite Brad Cashew came out to wrestle current food-based fan favorite Patrick Wheatman! Cashew spent most of his entrance jawing at commentator/former Chaotic Heavyweight Champion Julian Starr, but he hasn’t lost his touch--he yelled at some children too! The match was going Cashew’s way until, like Billy Batson, Wheatman drew incredible strength and power from chanting a single word. In this case, his last name! But even Wheatman-powered Wheatman was getting the worst of it, and Cashew took the opportunity to throw some water at the broacast table, which Julian Starr took in good stride as a harmless prank. Just kidding! He came to ringside and offered to mix it up with Cashew. Eventually the forgotten Wheatman took advantage of the distraction to pin Cashew, which will surely squash Cashew’s beef with Julian Starr!

The New England Championship was on the line in a tables match between champ Trigga the OG and creepy cult leader Arcturus, which really should have been sponsored by W.B. Mason, as there were enough office tables and chairs in evidence that we were but one tray of Costco muffins and a slide deck away from an off-site meeting. Fortunately we got a wrestling match instead. And what a match it was! Sister Selena broke a yardstick across Trigga’s back and got put through a table for her trouble! And then Trigga donned her lacy skirt as a cape when flying from the top rope onto Arcturus. Jariel Rivera knocked out referee Brendan Paul (who really seems to get the bulk of the physical abuse doled out to the Chaotic refereeing squad) before getting put through a table by Trigga. Both Trigga and Arcturus went through a table simultaneously, and then Milo Mirra came out, woke up Brendan Paul, and convinced him Arcturus had taken the victory. Paul declared Arcturus the winner. Trigga definitely had his hands full fighting the entire GGC. Too bad he doesn’t have a crew, or, dare we say Unit, to back him up like Arcturus does!

Then it was time for the Shannon Levangie/Brian Johnson beef to be settled. Johnson, aka “the Mecca”, entered, talked smack at some children, insulted New England’s sports teams, and then asserted that he would smack Shannon Levangie all over the venue. All of this while Cash McGuiness held a “Mecca vs Everybody” flag and served as the cheerleader/lickspittle. Mecca did, in fact dominate the match in the early going, with Shannon managing only a few counter moves. Even Cash’s interference couldn’t deliver the pin to Mecca, and when he delivered a series of slaps to Shannon’s face, he seemed to awaken the relentless competitor we all know Shannon to be. She flew from the top rope. She got Mecca to punch Cash in the face. And she won by submission, with the once-arrogant Mecca tapping out to avoid any further punishment. We’re sure this humiliation will occasion some introspection and reflection, and he’ll emerge a changed man! Or else he’ll just whine and complain that it wasn’t fair that he lost. Time will tell!

This brought up the tag team match of the Monarchy vs. John Walters and Armani Kaos. (And we thought Paris Van Dale and Dante Drago were unlikely tag team partners! How little we knew of unlikely!). “Royal Rules'“ meant it was a three on two match, though Walters and Kaos did have the always unpleasant and unpredictable Sidney Bakabella in their corner. Bakabella seemed to be having an off night, as he entered without body shaming any fans or declaring his contempt for Lowell. His wig was sporting some newfound volume, though. Good for him! For a moment it looked like Bakabella was going to actually get into the action, as he got into the ring and stripped off his shirt. And while the sight of Bakabella’s corpselike pallor may have made the Chaotid Faithful rethink their mockery of DJ Powers’ spray tan, Bakabella quickly tagged out before having to put his money where his mouth was. But he must have been off his game nonetheless, as he barely interfered in the match at all, and, as a result, the Monarchy took the win!

Then it was time for Mortar to face Richard Holliday for the heavyweight championship in a coffin match! These two have been beefing for weeks, so fans were expecting an absolutely brutal match, and they were not disappointed, as momentum shifted, both wrestlers drifted in and out of consciousness, and Mortar administered Holliday’s signature “Bicep to the Scrote” move to disable Holliday and put him into the coffin and close the lid!

Another victory for Mortar, but would it prove Pyrrhic? For he would have to face Ivar the very next night!